Today has been a strange day so far. I woke up after having a rather terrifying dream which caused me to seriously reconsider my life choices (not the greatest way to start a day). Then I discovered that I was the only one awake. I don't like being the only one awake. So I took a bath. I got ready for the day. By 12:30 I was still the only one awake. So I came here to the library. Scrolling through facebook I got to reflecting on all of the people I used to know and why they are so much better than me. And now I am finding it a little difficult to breathe because I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Also I have a cold.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Bedford is an interesting town. You'd be really hard pressed to find a white person in a randomly picked group of twenty shoppers. I haven't had a conversation with someone my own age since I've been here (and, as follows, I have no friends...whoop). The teenagers I do find appear to be shallow idiots who, I'm fairly sure, are all entered in the "How Fake Can You Look" competition. I don't get along with these people very well. So I just do my own thing. I come to the library and take advantage of the free wi-fi. I walk around the market pretending I have money to spend. I think Bedford and I are okay with each other, even if we have both changed quite a bit.
I'm sending in an application to an airline for a flight attendant position. Wish me luck.
Aaaaaahhh. I hate being so unsure of things. I feel like I need to write something really profound. I'm all out of profound. It's been eaten by worry.
Oh, I can tell you that my piano got tuned yesterday, and it is beautiful! Granted, it is not a perfect sounding piano, mostly due to its age. It was made in 1901, so it's an antique. A couple of the notes sound very coppery and the pedal squeaks, but it works. Music actually sounds like music now. The guy who came and tuned it did tell me to be cautious when playing loudly so the wires don't slip...um, pardon? How exactly does one play pounding pieces cautiously? Let's just hope the poor piano can take it, because I will not be toning down Grieg or Debussy.
I am breathing a little easier now.
I love you all.
Oh, Danie, it made me sad when you wrote that people you used to know are so much better than you. That is just so not true. You are absolutely magnificent! Please never forget that. You are in a hard spot right now trying to figure everything out, so I think what you are feeling is quite normal. Just remember how many people love you no matter what! And as Dorie might say..."Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." :)
ReplyDeleteAnd here's a quote for the day:
“Things work out, it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out, don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in him, if we will pray to him, if we will live worthy of his blessings, he will hear our prayers.”
Gordon B Hinckley