Of Mice, Men, and Best-Laid Schemes

I am very fortunate. I have a family that loves me dearly. I am so happy living with my Dad. I’m lucky enough to be achieving my life-long dream of moving back to England. I start a new job tomorrow and have another lined up for next week. I have a piano. I am healthy. I am clothed. For the most part I am happy.

But there’s always that one thing, that horrible blow that comes out of the blue. It’s just one problem or upset or issue that, if focused on, would cause you to label your entire existence a misery. I should have expected it, I suppose. Things are going so well. Everything is so perfect. So OF COURSE life felt it needed to throw in a little betrayal here, some brutal honesty there, douse it all in a bucketful of heartbreak. And it’s an agony I can’t fix. It’s not up to me. This portion of my happiness rests on the shoulders of another human being and I can’t force them to choose to keep me happy. They have to make their own damn decision.

In summation: it sucks. I’ve been crying out a friggin’ river for the past couple of days. I worry so much I start shaking and have to sit down. I attempt to explain myself, but can’t get the words right when all I want to say is that I WANT YOU TO STAY. I STILL LOVE YOU. WILL YOU PLEASE NOT GIVE UP SO EASILY. WOULD YOU KINDLY LOVE ME FOREVER AND NEVER LEAVE ME.

But all my wishing and wanting and wailing is silly. It’s not up to me. Though the issue will constantly loom over me every minute of every day until it resolved, I am willing to acknowledge that I have an awful lot of good experiences and opportunities in my life right now, and my life does not need to be utterly dominated by this problem. So tomorrow at work I will do my best to focus on the customers, properly operate a till, and keep my happy face on.

The situation does remind me of part of a poem.

The best laid schemes of mice and men

Go often awry,

And leave us nothing but grief and pain,

For promised joy!

                        --To A Mouse; Robert Burns—

The entire poem is fabulous. Go read it. It accurately illustrates that you can plan things for your future and be so sure of certain truths, but the future can change at any moment and nothing is definite. How true that is.