I'll Take Death By Velociraptor, Please

How do I feel about tomorrow and the coming week:

TERRIFIED

I am so scared. Therapy again tomorrow. Our task for the session is to write out the history of our problem and share it with the group. If I hadn't already committed to going every week I would chicken out of this one. I don't want to tell people! Heck, I don't like to think about it myself! What is said cannot be taken back, and they will judge me and I hate being judged. I like people to think that I am at least a half-way decent person. I'm not in real life, but it would be nice if people thought that. So. Talking about that with a bunch of men tomorrow.

Ha ha. That sounded super awkward. And I know I've not told you what my problem is, but, quite frankly, you don't need to know. And you don't want to either. I like that there are some people out there who think I'm nice. 

On another sour note, I am doing so wretchedly in school it makes me want to vomit. I have a final for BoM next week, and even if I get 100% on it, I'll only get 84% in the class. Disgusting. I really, really hate myself sometimes. I need to cop on and do my flipping schoolwork, put forth the effort that is expected of a BYU student, and use my brain like I used to be able to. If I ever make it out of here alive, I darn well hope it was all worth it. And that I deserve it.

Life. Lifelifelifelifelife. Death by velociraptor sounds really good right about now. Or perhaps I could just turn into a velociraptor. The go straight to heaven, right? Sweet. Velociraptor it is.

I am trying to scrounge my brain for something happy to talk about. Um, the sun was shining today? That was nice. I ate lots of cookies. That was kind of happy. I'm listening to Death Cab for Cutie and remembering last summer. I listened to the "Plans" album while I drove to and from work at Thanksgiving Point. Gosh, that was so nice. Just being able to drive about with excellent music and the warmth from outside. Memories. I love the stuff. Right. That's about the happiest I can get right now.

Oh, and, Dean? This is me reciprocating. Because being mentioned in someone else's blog is pretty much the greatest thing ever. You have a fabulous morning/day/evening/night/whatever it is when you read this :)