Ex-Mo Thoughts

The longer I am out of the LDS church the more I understand why people who leave the church "can't leave it alone" (to quote various general authorities).

It's not because we have this inner turmoil about turning against God and deep inside know that we're wrong but we need to cover it up so we lash out. It's really not like that.

It's because our life now makes sense. Because we can see how harmful the church was and we can see how it is affecting the people we love and we don't want them to have to live with all that pain. Especially not without realizing what is really going on. Because the worst abuse is abuse that you don't recognize and are accepting of.

I haven't ever posted anti-Mormon stuff. So far, I've just talked about my own experience and what I believe and all that. This is still me kind of doing that. But I feel like I needed to clear that up.

Also, the hypocrisy. Some Mormons can't leave the ex-mos alone (enough that this is a point worth mentioning). We get texts and emails and prayers and invitations and 'friendships' and random missionary visits and prodding in the street. Like, I don't know if you know but I am never becoming Mormon again. Ever. I left. Forever. Doing all of the above is not going to change my mind about that. Telling me "Oh, we miss your smile so much! and those primary kids sure do miss your piano playing!" isn't going to bring me back. Nope. Noppity nope nope nope. "But the church really is true, and I know it, and I hope one day you'll be able to stand with me and declare it too, because I love you!" Nope. This is not only unlikely, it is crossing the line of acceptable communication into the realm of rude and impertinent.

Anyway. That was on my mind. Hopefully one day I won't even feel the need to post about my religious experiences.

I'm a pond. A pond that breaks its promises.

You know how I have that character flaw where I'm never consistent with my word?

TA DAH!

Sorry. No daily blog posts for you. I felt that the pressure of coming up with something to write about would only produce stupid writing that didn't really have a point.

I have a secret. I'm not going to tell you what it is, obviously. Don't ask about it either, because I still won't tell you. It's not about you. Promise.

I don't change. Ever. I don't. I am the same person I was five years ago, ten years ago. I have made more choices since then, true. I've experienced more things. But there is a great difference between growing and changing. My life is a pond, and time is pouring water into it until it's all full up and I'm dead. The shape of the pond is there the entire time, I just have to bide the years as it fills. That's growing. No changing involved, except for how much water's in my pond.

Whelp. That's my philosophical thought for the night. Bedtime now.