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Champagne makes me run up to the laundry room and sleep on things and then run around the hotel and accidentally steal chocolate cake and write blog posts in the hotel kitchen at 1:30 in the morning. I really don't have anything important to say, I'm just here alive and awake and on the internet.
I've been here for over six moths now. Here meaning England. I still don't know what's going on the with myself. It's been, what, four months since my break-up? I believe so. I don't remember the exact date. I delete my facebook account in which I sent the ultimatum message. You know, that has to have been the most sarcastic break up ever. I implied that our most intimate moments together were just as good as eating Thai food.
I was awful.
I do regret that. Did I make it out like he was the one to break things off? Because that's not true. It was me. And I still really hate myself for how I went about it. I was wrong. I mean, I wasn't wrong to stop putting up with crap, but I was still wrong in many important ways. Mostly because now I miss him so very much and I won't ever have a positive relationship with him because I was such a bitch. Which sucks. Because in nearly every way I still love him. And, unless he's reading this, which I kind of doubt, he'll never know that. I think he's made it clear that he never wants to hear from me again. How hard is that? Having someone that you spend at least 52% of your waking hours thinking about never wanting to know you ever again.
I just know that if he walked through the door right now it would alllll come back. And I would most definitely do something stupid. Like kiss him and tell him I love him. And I would mean it, too.
Y'all are probably tired of hearing about this break up. Because most of you are older and wiser and know that I will eventually fine someone who will want to be with me the way I want to be with him and we can get married and have no more than two children who better be girls. But right now the most perfect relationship I have had was that one. It was my favorite. The best. And I miss it all.
This is so jumbled. I do apologise. I also apologise to the parents of the kids I snapped at in the shop today. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job raising your children and that their rudeness was a singular incident. I'm sorry for snapping.
THE END.
