People and Why I LOVE Them...I'm talking about you.

Hey there everybody. It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that. But my world is up and down and all over the place, so blogging really was the last thing on my mind. Do forgive me.

My freshman, and probably only, year of college will be over in a couple of days. Crazy. Sauce. Although I pretty much failed at every academic-related thing this semester at BYU, I would count it as a positive experience. Because of the people. All of the people. I don't know if you all know this, but I find people fascinating. How they behave, what they think, their experiences and stories, what they're afraid of, how they react to things, how they love. People. And every single one of us is different. And I cannot help loving everyone I meet. I don't know how or why I do that, but if I've ever met you I have most certainly been amazed by who you are.

You. Are. Amazing. Everything about you. The way you drink your coffee. How you approach an argument. How much you're willing to spend on a pair of jeans. Your secret favorite word. The one person you would do anything for, and the reason why. How you go outside and notice the sunrise. How you go outside and notice the traffic. The items you've lost and the memories you can't quite remember. What you dreamt last night. How you judge people. How you justify your actions. The number of times you trip over that pile of clothes on your floor before you clean them up. The person you would want your last words to be directed towards. And those are just a few things I've noted about a few people I've met or re-met in the last little while. Do you see now? How fascinating you are out of all the people on this crazy planet?

Now I feel like answering all of those things. So here it goes. I like to savor any drink in a mug. During an argument, I am more likely to adamantly state my opinion over and over rather than counteract the opposition. I would never spend more than $85 on jeans. My secret favorite word will have to remain a secret because it would probably be offensive to most of the people that read this blog. I would do absolutely anything for my sister Hannah because she is literally my favorite person on the planet, and she is the person I love the most. I love sunsets more than sunrises, but both are beautiful. I also like to sit at intersections and watch the cars go by late at night. I lost my favorite toy rabbit when I was about five, I've lost the sheet music for my favorite Debussy sonata, and I've lost a few rather special pairs of earrings. I can't remember what my Granddad Herbert looked like, I can't remember the last name of my elementary school crush, and I can't remember how to find the derivative of a function. Last night I dreamt I was living in England again. I try my hardest not to judge people, but simply understand them. I usually justify my actions by not thinking about the consequences. I don't have a pile of clothes on my floor right now, but i usually takes me about a week. I would want my last words to be for whoever I was in love with at the time. If I wasn't in love with anyone, then my Momma.

And there you go.

Things going on with me right now are finals, moving back home, eating Thai food for five days straight (YUM), learning to appreciate various new TV shows (Archer, anyone?), beginning to miss people I will never see again, beginning to love people I've just gotten to know, freaking out about money, and spending more time away from my apartment than in it.

I love you all. DFTBA.

I'm bad at titles. This is a blog post. Read.

To start out, I feel like I have to talk about conference. GENERAL CONFERENCE WAS AMAZING. As usual. My favorite talk was Elder Holland's. If you are going to watch/listen to/read only one talk from conference, this is the one you want (and here's the link!). It was inspiring.

I put another video up on YouTube ...but I'm not going to share that link because I'm not sure if I want people to watch them. Weird? Yes. If you happen to find them then go right ahead. I don't know a jot nor tittle about video editing, so don't expect more than me talking for a few minutes to my webcam. Sweet.

The next three weeks of my life are going to be hell. Because school. It is my goal to not fail any classes. This will be a major accomplishment. It is achievable, but only if I magically revert back to being a stellar student. Faith and prayers, my friends. Faith and prayers. And a heck of a lot of hard work.

I went through all my finances yesterday and became sad. I am not self-sustainable. I could not live on my own. I still need help. One day. One day I will be able to officially declare myself an adult, dwell in a shoddy apartment, have a full time job. I will buy furniture. I will own a cat. Or possibly a rabbit. I will be obligated to initiate birthday phone calls and have people over for dinner. I will have a filing cabinet with compartments for electric bills, grocery receipts, and expired passports (I will ALWAYS have a current passport. Just in case.). I will have an extensive CD collection which will reveal my character to all who peruse through it. And I will hopefully be living in the country where I can legally vote. I am looking forward to all of this.

And now--to an archaeology paper I have been trying to write for three days! Whoop!

Changing Me, Moving (Home? to England?), My Mum is Amazing--The Usual

I think the two worst emotions are lonely and confused. Especially when paired. I've had a few friends really try to bring me out of my state of loneliness and confusion recently. I'm not out of it yet. There are so many changes that I'm trying to sus out. It's strange, when I do something out of character I get very nervous. I have to evaluate myself again, figure out who I really am. I don't like to deal with myself. And this leads me to feel lonely and confused.

There is nothing scarier than change. Nothing. Unfortunately, there is a lot of change coming at me. Soon this semester will be over. I'll have my old job at Thanksgiving Point back. I'll be living at home, trying to create a niche in my family once more. I'm very worried about that. They've gotten used to me not being around, and I have changed so much since I lived at home. I wonder if I'm too different now, too different to fit in with them like I used to. I know I will try to change myself back. I don't want to stick out like a sore, unwanted thumb in my own family. It is a fact that there is no place I would rather be than home with my sisters and my parents.

I realized yesterday how much I need my mum. If I could be like anyone in all of time and space it would be her. She has an unbelievable amount of strength. She has so much faith. What she lacks in patience she makes up in love. I am in awe of her ability to govern her life. That might sound strange. But she can fulfill her calling, clean the house, give love and advice to her children, manage finances, monitor grades, coordinate transportation, attend various meetings, and manage to cook dinner. All in the same day. I don't tell her everything that goes on in my life, but when I need help I go to her. If I don't go to her, I do what I think she would do. It's like I've got my own "mum's advice" tape that plays in my head when I have to make a decision. I love her. I love her so much. I don't think she realizes how much I need her in my life. How much I rely on her. Look, I'm crying. That means I'm being sincere :)

Back to change. I was offered a place at my Dad's flat until the end of the year. The offer was so tempting. I know I'll move back to England one day. I know it. I just don't know when. I don't think this year is it. I'm having a lot of trouble with myself, figuring out how I want to live the rest of my life, what I believe in, what I really want. England would be too much right now. I wouldn't be strong over there. Happy, maybe. It would, perhaps, be easier. But I wouldn't be stronger. And I need strength right now more than anything. God usually chooses my trials for me, but I'm choosing this one. Let's hope it's the right decision. I miss my dad a lot.

Things that are going well right now? I made dinner yesterday. Sausages, mashed potatoes, and boiled cabbage. My favorite dinner in the world. That made me very, very happy :). Caden paid me a visit on Easter so I wouldn't be celebrating alone for the entire day, and that was just plain amazing. It's nice to be thought about like that. I went to a dance on Friday and enjoyed the entire thing (I plan on doing that again...Joe's, anyone?). Also, played pool and almost dominated. After the dance we got home and decided we wanted to watch a movie, so our wonderful hall-mates came over and we watched The Proposal. Chatted all night with a friend I haven't talked to in a while. 'Twas enlightening and a little....rebellious. Ha ha. The rain today was lovely. I've created a couple of new playlists on Spotify, and I am thoroughly loving "Ashamed? Never!"--songs from high school. Good times :).

I think I'll be off now. Pray for Mallory in the Philippines. Goodnight all!