Lady Day and a Bucket of Heartbreak

At this moment in my life I think romantic love is really stupid. It makes me do ridiculous things. It makes me want ridiculous things. It makes me believe ridiculous things. And I'm rather tired of feeling it and being wrong. My Momma is a wise soul, and told me that love is a choice. She's right. I chose it. And now it won't go away--despite having good reason to.

Sing it, Lady Day.

I love this woman. She has the perfect song for EVERYTHING. If I could only listen to one musician for the rest of my life, it would be her.

Okay, I have to post this as well. Just sink into this one. Don't close your eyes. Watch each of them carefully. It's one of those rare recordings where you can experience the artist's emotions just by looking in their eyes and savoring each note. I can't explain it. It's just raw. Opening a soul and putting it out for everyone else to see--the pain, the blues, the heartache. Oh, gosh. I could live off of this stuff.

It's sensitive subject time.

It's sensitive subject time.

I think God loves everyone. God wants us to live devoid of prejudice, in full equality. God gives each person trials that test their willingness to obey Him, and are meant to increase the faith and ability of that person. I believe that God's commandments will never change, as he is an unchangeable being. I believe that there is only one way to true happiness.

Believing all of this, and I mean all of it, I have a lot of difficulty deciding how the Mormon doctrine on gays (that I have found) fits into these other beliefs.

To me, denying gays a legal marriage contract is unfair, unequal, and prejudice. However, I would also be offended and outraged if equality laws forced the church to allow gays a temple marriage.

I will be the first to acknowledge that sexual orientation is not a choice, but an integral part of who we are. I also believe that it is possible to repress this identity, and that being gay is part of the 'natural man' that we are commanded to overcome.

I have not seen any healthy, effective change that has caused a gay to become straight. But neither do I think that God gives anyone temptation above that he is able (1 Corinthians 10:13). This is a trial I do not fully understand. It appears to be impossible to overcome. It seems inhumane to expect someone to overcome it and then deny them blessings because of its impossible nature.

When it comes to telling other people who they may and may not love, who they may and may not be committed to, it just feels wrong. The only way I would be okay with that is if the exhibited love was fake, and did not bring real happiness. Again, I have a hard time believing that those in homosexual relationships who desire to be committed to each other are faking love. They have loving, caring relationships. Gay couples are also effective, sensitive parents. But, for some reason I don't understand, God does not accept that kind of love.

So, I don't understand how all of these things, which I truly believe, can coexist and fit together in my mind. I am very conflicted. I love and adore the friends and acquaintances I have that are gay. I love and adore those of them who are repressing those urges, who are acting on those urges, and who will struggle their entire lives with this trial. I love them. I want them to be happy. I believe that God knows each and every person who was, who is, and who will be gay. He knows how to deal with this impossible trial they have been blessed with.

I would encourage those who are having a difficult time being gay to turn to God and ignore the hate and ignorance of the rest of the world. This is your struggle. None of the rest of us truly understand it. You are good, good people. You need to know that. And I truly apologize if this post offended you in any way. It is simply what I believe, and I needed to write this so I could figure out exactly what I think on the subject.

This might solicit comments. I'm asking that you don't argue with me or each other, but I am more than happy to hear your views on the subject. It might help me figure out mine a little more.

Thanks, peeps.