Failing Positively :)

Today I decided I was going to turn my life around! I woke up and thought, today will be the day! The first step towards a life of responsibility and self-control!

Well, I failed.

He he.

But I did make a valiant effort. And I got a good nap in. And a good laugh. And a good hug. What made it not such a failure is that I believe that I can do better tomorrow. Also, I had the most wonderful people to share it with. I am surrounded by wonderful people, and I am grateful for all of them.

At EFY a couple of years ago one of the counselors gave a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley about the importance of goal setting and honestly evaluating your progress. What struck me about it was he said that admitting to failure is better than trying to ignore it because you are more motivated to change. Failure is also progress if view with an eye of improvement. So, I failed today. I didn't do everything I wanted to. It was different from what I was expecting and wishing. But tomorrow is open for success! Tomorrow can be better, if only slightly! Progress is progress!

So, tomorrow I will wake up and yet again announce to Jamie that this is the day I change my life! I will be more responsible and motivated to be a better person! And I will do the things that ensure such a change!

And if things go contrary to plan, I fail yet again. But I ain't going to give up. Not this time.

Late-Night-Personal-Dance-Party-On-The-Couch Playlist

Okay. I'm up. And really tired. And listening to sweet music while attempting to write a paper about some crackpot who thinks the Sphinx was built before the desert was desert. I just really want to go to bed. But I'm not going to! I'm going to put some of my dancing music here! And some of these songs are really odd--that's okay! Just go with it!

Our House; Madness

Come On Eileen; Dexy's Midnight Runners

Bulletproof; La Roux

Ruby; Kaiser Chiefs

Tightrope; Janelle Monae

Guns and Horses; Ellie Goulding

I Turn To You (Hex Hector Remix); Melanie C

Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer; Sophie Ellis-Bextor

Good stuff. I love music. A lot more than I like writing papers, that's for sure. He he. I'll go back to my homework now. Have a wonderful day!

I just liked this...

I came across this video, and I'd never seen anything like it before. It's a poem, and it's beautiful.

And I just found this one as well. It features the poem "I Carry You In My Heart" by e. e. cummings, which is my second favorite poem in the world.

In which I dare you to be happy

This is my homework break, which is highly necessary because I am actually, by some miracle, doing my homework. Most of it is reading, but that gets rather tiring. Though I would much rather be reading than writing papers.

Anyway, I'm really happy right now. Very, very happy. Something quite traumatic would have to happen to make this smile of mine go away. And while some might consider the reason for my smile to be unwise, and, in light of other recent events, rather stupid, I am choosing not to listen. Because I think I will take all the happiness I can get right about now, if that's okay with everyone. Not the fake stuff that disappears after a short while (usually brought on by food....or chick flicks...or a combination of the two...), but real happiness. The kind that comes from caring about someone and having them care for you right back. Everyone deserves that. I think I'm lucky to have found it right when I really needed it.

Happy me :)

Also, for the record, other things that make me happy are:

1) Reading something that's just really good, the stuff that has me sitting there thinking, "Wow. That was amazing. So well written, so applicable. Genius literature."

2) Having an excellent conversation with friends in which problems are cleared up, camaraderie is felt, and we all get a good laugh in somewhere.

3) A full English breakfast (with black pudding and fried tomatoes). Serious lasting happiness there.

4) Having a favorite song come on the radio right when I needed to hear it.

5) Finding out I have lots in common with the person I'm sitting next to on the bus.

6) Happy babies.

7) Rain and jumping in puddles without a care in the world.

8) Reading scriptures and understanding something with clarity

9) Receiving flowers for no reason at all.

10) Getting a prompting to do something and following through.

And a number of other things. But these are good. Try one out and get back to me. Ooh! I dare you! Do something that brings you real happiness and comment about it. I'll mail you an invisible hug if you do. Good luck :)

And then I stumbled across inspiration...

So, I was reading my scriptures this morning and came across a story that gave me a little hope. Helaman is recounting the story of the 2,000 young men that volunteer to fight so their parents refrain from breaking their covenant to never again take up arms. This is the part I really liked (Alma 56):

"15...and I found Antipus and his men toiling with their might to fortify the city.
16. Yea, and they were depressed in body as well as in spirit, for they had fought valiantly by day and toiled by night to maintain their cities; and thus they had suffered great afflictions of every kind.
17. And now they were determined to conquer in this place or die; therefore you may well suppose that this little force which I brought with me, yea, those sons of mine, gave them great hopes and much joy.
18. And now it came to pass that when the Lamanites saw that Antipus had recieved a greater strength to his army, they were compelled by the orders of Ammoron to not come against the city of Judea, or against us, to battle.
19. And thus were we favored of the Lord; for had they come upon us in this our weaknesss they might have perhaps destroyed our little army; but thus were we preserved."

(In case you're not familiar with the Book of Mormon, Antipus is one of the leaders of the good guy army (the Nephites), and Ammoron is one of the leaders of the bad guy army (the Lamanites))

I think it is rare to find a faithful person described as "...depressed in body as well as in spirit..." in the scriptures, but it happens very often in life. I get that way when I'm trying to overcome certain problems that I have, when it feels like I have tried over and over and over and over to never do it again, but I'm never strong enough to conquer it. I love the attitude of Antipus's men here that "...they were determined to conquer in this place or die...", and that's how it should be when you're trying to overcome a sin that is holding you back so much you feel you have no hope. Once you are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome sin, the Lord will send you the strength you need and the enemy will retreat. He's not going to just send help because you're in a bad place--he's going to send you help when you have done everything you can to sort yourself out.

Anyway. I thought this was pretty brilliant.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

I'm here in my apartment, quite alone, quite hungry, but somehow quite content. It's a strange thing, to be content but not happy. I think it's simply the effect of a Sunday. It is a calm day. It's a good day, if you let it be.

Anyway, continuing the music trend, here are some of my favorite pieces of religious music. Enjoy :)

I Am His Daughter; EFY Music

The Morning Trumpet; MoTab

What Faith Can Do; EFY Music

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing; MoTab

Bring Him Home; Les Miserables (Alfie Boe and MoTab)

(I know, it's not technically religious, but it might as well be)

If You Could Hie To Kolob; MoTab

He Knows Me Better; EFY Music

What I wouldn't give for a flight right about now...

I am going insane. I need to fly. I need to pack up, put all my liquids and gels in a quart-sized plastic bag, be harassed at customs, eat unidentifiable meals the flight attendants call chicken on rice, and smell me some British air. I know it's not wise and it won't happen, but I need to take a weekend off and go somewhere that I love. I love everything about England. Shopping in town. Cigarette smoke. Fish and chips. Tescos. Roundabouts. The rain. The seaside. Tiny streets. Sweet shops. The crazy people. My family. I miss it all. I miss my home. I know if you're there right now, living a grown-up life, you're thinking that I only like it because it's a holiday whenever I go. You're right, I've never really worked there or experienced England in everyday life. But it's still my home. It's still my favorite place in the world. I've still got Daddy and Nanny and my cousins and my aunts and uncles who are there. I want to go. I just want to go home, if only to get away from all the craziness here.

Sigh.

Music Installment II

And here's some more music. Love the stuff.

Black and Gold; Sam Sparro

Ordinary World; Duran Duran

                                      

Too Close; Alex Clare

                                      

Feel So Close; Calvin Harris

                                      

The Other Side; David Gray

(See Also: Babylon, Be Mine, You're the World to Me, Please Forgive Me, and Silver Lining)

Next To Me; Emeli Sande

                                     

(See Also: Heaven)

Grace Kelly; Mika

                                     

The funny thing about making a favorites list is you keep coming up with songs. I'm thoroughly enjoying this, so I'll post more tomorrow :)

A Little More of Me

The following songs are a few of my favorites. Enjoy :)

Paris Nights/New York Mornings; Corinne Bailey Rae

(See also: Like a Star, Put Your Records On, Young and Foolish, and I'd Do It All Again)


Amsterdam; Coldplay

(See also: Yellow, Green Eyes, Trouble, and Clocks)


Bittersweet Symphony; The Verve

Say You Don't Want It; One Night Only

The Only Exception; Paramore

Open Your Eyes; Snow Patrol

(See also: Chasing Cars, Just Say Yes, and Run)

Somewhere Only We Know; Keane

(See Also: Bedshaped, Everybody's Changing, and the entire "Hopes and Fears" album)


This is absolutely not comprehensive. I'll add more later :)

Because It Explains Me

This is my favorite poem by my favorite poet. Auden writes so well. I know some of you might not be the poetry type, but this is a good one.

Lullaby

Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm;
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral:
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful.

Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's carnal ecstasy.

Certainty, fidelity
On the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell,
And fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry:
Every farthing of the cost,
All the dreaded cards foretell,
Shall be paid, but from this night
Not a whisper, not a thought,
Not a kiss nor look be lost.

Beauty, midnight, vision dies:
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
Such a day of welcome show
Eye and knocking heart may bless,
Find the mortal world enough;
Noons of dryness find you fed
By the involuntary powers,
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love.

      --W. H. Auden